Posts Tagged ‘McGwire’

Bleacher Report Strives to Provide Balanced Coverage of Why Mark McGwire is a Disgrace to Baseball

January 21, 2010

(St. Louis, MO) Popular Baseball Blogging Site, Bleacher Report, expressed today that it will do it’s best to ensure that every side is represented in discussing why Mark McGwire is a complete disgrace to baseball and should be forever banned from the game. McGwire was the former Cardinals slugger who broke Roger Marris’ long-standing home run record during his ’98 season. In a recent interview McGwire discussed that he indeed used steroids and other performance enhancing drugs during his major league career and feverishly apologized for his actions. Bleacher Report announced that it would give fans an open forum to discuss the admission and why McGwire is such an unspeakable monster who should forever be banned from the game of baseball.

“We just want to give fans a chance to speak on both sides of the issue of how horrible McGwire is,” said Bleacher Report Administrator, Larry St.Cloud, “Fans need to be able to tell people how they feel about this news, whether that be that Mark McGwire should be simply banned forever from baseball, have his memories of ever playing the game erased, or even go as far as dragging him through Cooperstown by a steroid induced horse. Fans have reacted very differently to this story and we want to make sure that every blogger who writes on McGwire’s heinous steroid admission is given a forum to tell the world just how physically ill this news makes them.”

Bleacher Report is not simply limiting it’s coverage of McGwire tarnishing the memories of millions of fans to Cardinals bloggers. Instead, Bleacher Report is striving to let every fan in baseball tell the stories of how McGwire has forever ruined, not only baseball, but the entire season of summer and a good chunk of fall and spring.

“McGwire has destroyed America’s pastime. I just don’t think I’ll ever look at him the same way again,” said San Francisco Giant’s fan Matt LaCoy, “You would never catch one of our players sinking to such levels to excel at this game. I’m just thankful that Barry Bonds came along and reclaimed the record for steroid-free baseball players and fans everywhere.”

When asked if Bleacher Report would be posting any blogs about fans forgiving McGwire for his actions and accepting his apology for earnest, McCloud said that Bleacher Report would “Never stoop to such unthinkable, dirty publicity to attract attention from readers.”

For God’s sake,” McCloud continued, “This is journalism.”

A Decade Later: Tony LaRussa Still Can’t Believe Fernando Tatis Hit Two Grand-Slams In One F@*#ing Inning

December 17, 2009

When asked to reflect on the past decade with the Cardinals, Manager Tony LaRussa had many positive things to say about the organization including the retooling of a pitching staff, the emergance of the greatest hitter in baseball, the World Series win in 2006, and, of course, that game that Fernando Tatis hit two grand-slams in one f@*#ing inning.

“It’s been a great decade,” said LaRussa, “I was finally able to lead the club to a World Series victory, we have emerged as one of the most dominant teams in the National League, we hosted the All-Star festivities, and our front office has shown a constant commitment to winning at the highest level.” LaRussa then rocked back in his chair before saying, “And who can forget that it was only 10 years ago when Fernando Tatis hit those two grand-slams in the same f@*#ing inning.”

Tatis’ feat was a major highlight in the 1999 season for the Cardinals when they went 75-86 and finished 4th in the NL Central. “I really think we peaked too early on that April 23rd day in Los Angeles,” said LaRussa of the 1999 season. “But man, totally worth it. When Tatis walked up to the plate in the 3rd inning, down by 2 runs with the bases loaded, he was probably just hoping for a base-hit to tie the game. That guy had never hit a grand-slam in his life, but little did he know that was all about to change. He hit that ball out and then just 8 batters later, he did it again. By the time that inning was over, he’d become the first man in baseball history to hit 2 grand-slams in one f@*#ing inning,” LaRussa lamented, wiping a single tear from his eye.

LaRussa commented on a myriad of other events of the past decade, such as when the Dodgers gave Fernando Tatis a standing ovation after he hit two grand-slams in one f@*#ing inning on April 23rd 1999, and the look on Cardinal slugger Mark McGwire’s face after Fernando f@*#ing Tatis of all people, hit two grand-slams in just one f@*#ing inning.

The Dodger’s pitcher, Chan Ho Park, who gave up, not one, but two grand-slams to the same f@*#ing player in the same f@*#ing inning was unable to be questioned about the event.

“It’s best for him to block that out of his memory,” said Park’s psychiatrist, Steve Gipson, “It was a pretty traumatic time in his life. It took a lot of treatment for him to start forgetting that day, recover from the severe depression that 3rd inning caused him, and put the bottle down. He’s finally starting to forget.”

“But man,” Gipson continued, “No one else is gonna forget that one. Two grand-slams in one f@*#ing inning.”

Former Cardinal, Fernando Tatis' MLB career will go down in history as being defined by one thing. Actually, by two things in one f@*#ing inning.

Cardinals planning to move to a 5 infield, 2 outfield alignment in 2010

November 19, 2009

Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa spoke briefly today about a shift in the defensive alignment that the club will enact in 2010. In light of struggling negotiations for a left field option, they will instead opt to play Colby Ramus in left-center,  Ryan Ludwick in right-center, and 5 positions on the infield.

“We feel it’s a good call,” said Tony LaRussa of the unprecedented move in the defensive alignment, “We’re very confident in the defensive abilities of both Ryan Ludwick and Colby Rasmus so we think we can get by with just those two out there. Skip has adjusted so well to 2nd base that we’d hate to switch him again, Brendan Ryan has been solid at shortstop, Julio Lugo has proven to be a valuable member of this club, Albert is a Gold Glover, and David Freese…well that kid is really trying, so we feel really good about those five as our infield.” The Cardinals have already drawn up what the new defense will look like. It primarily consists of a regular infield with Julio Lugo standing directly behind David Freese.

“We were originally a little concerned about Freese’s defense at 3rd, but we really think this will alleviate our worries,” said LaRussa, “We want to give David a chance to prove himself and this will take a lot of the pressure off of him since he won’t have to worry about making defensive stops all the time. This way if he catches the ball that’s great, but if not, Lugo will be there to ensure that we don’t suffer on defense. We also know that anything remotely to his left will be taken care of by Brendan Ryan.”

When asked about the shift to only 2 outfielders, LaRussa said there was a great deal of reasoning behind the decision. “We have great ground-ball pitchers with the exception of Waino who’s a strikeout kinda guy, so we figure everything hit should mostly stay in the infield. If someone does hit a fly ball, the organization is confident in the defensive abilities of Ryan Ludwick and Colby Rasmus.” LaRussa went on to say that this alignment was only a trial run and if Ludwick couldn’t cover the entirety of his zone, the defensive responsibilities of both left and center-field would be moved to Rasmus. When asked if he thought the 2009 rookie could handle the responsibility, LaRussa was confident. “That kid is ridiculously fast, so yeah I think he can handle it. I mean, we don’t have a lot of other options.” When questioned about simply finding a replacement for Matt Holliday in left, LaRussa scoffed, “Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.”

Julio Lugo was excited about the possibility of redefining his role with the club. “It’s an honor to be given an everyday position. I was originally concerned when I was told I would be playing 3rd base behind David Freese, because I was not particularly excited about being the #2 man to a rookie, but when I learned I would literally be playing 3rd base standing behind David Freese, that really changed the situation.” Lugo will be labeled as the team’s 3rd basemen in the 2010 season and David Freese will be the “Associate 3rd basemen” for the Cardinals.

John Mozeliak adamantly defended the move to give Freese a shot at a  full-time “3rd basemenish” role, “Look right now, he’s the cheapest… I mean, “best” option we have and this allows us to consolidate our monetary resources as much as possible.” When asked about the current financial situation of the organization, Mozeliak simply pointed to an oil drum full of cash next to his desk labeled “Matt Holliday please, for the love of God, come back to St. Louis fund”

The Cardinals are still working on Freese’s approach at the plate and are trying to refine a better system than hitting coach Mark McGwire yelling “SWING” from the dugout whenever he identifies a pitch for the rookie to hit.

Tony LaRussa was a staunch defender of his managerial move, “Everybody laughed when I hit my pitchers 8th to give Albert more at bats and look at how that worked out,” LaRussa later added, “4-time NL Manager of the Year bitches!”

The Cardinals are eager to try out their new defensive alignment in 2010. When asked if this move showed a lack of confidence in Rookie David Freese, Tony LaRussa responded, "What would give you that idea?" before snickering to himself and walking away.