Posts Tagged ‘fredbird’

Fredbird Agent Scott Boras to Test Open Market

November 12, 2009
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Fredbird recently held a press conference to declare his free agency. Fredbird routinely appears between innings and calls himself "The real starting pitcher" of most games due to assisting with first pitch ceremonies.

After a successful 30 year career with the St. Louis Cardinals, mascot Fredbird will be placed on the open market after the 2 week exclusive bidding period the Cardinals have to renegotiate a contract. Fredbird filed for free agency Tuesday after his current contract expired following the 2009 season. Although Fredbird said he was happy with his role with the NL Central champions, his agent, Scott Boras, said that it is only fair to test the waters with his client.

“Fredbird has really enjoyed being part of a winning franchise such as the Cardinals, but I think he may be ready for a change and honestly a lot of teams are looking for a talent like Fredbird,” said Boras, “I mean you have the Toronto Blue Jays, Pittsburgh Pirates, Washington Nationals  and the Baltimore Orioles. There is just a lot of need for avian mascot talent out there and I believe I represent the best in the business.”

Cardinal’s manager Tony LaRussa was optimistic about reaching a deal with the 30 time Cardinal mascot of the year. “I think he’s happy here, we built a nice team around him in Team Fredbird and I’m confident we’ll be able to reach a deal with him to return to the Cardinals in 2010.” LaRussa said. “I believe we would have looked into a contract extension sooner had we know that he was approaching free agency. Actually I don’t think any of us knew he was actually on contract, we just assumed he was here for the long haul since, well, he’s a cardinal and I’m pretty sure that jersey is sewn into his skin.”

Cardinal’s GM John Mozeliak was more open to a new face for the organization. “It’s not our top priority right now. We appreciate everything that Fredbird has done for the organization, but we also know that Scott Boras has a history of driving clients beyond our price range,” Mozeliak said. “Of course we need a mascot, but depending on what kind of money Fredbird is looking for, there are definitely other options.” When pressed on who the GM had in mind to fill Fredbird’s over-sized foam shoes, Mozeliak tipped his hand that he had already given this some consideration. “We know that the Pirate Parrot from Pittsburgh was very frustrated with his team’s performance last year. He said that overall jubilation was even  lower than expected in  the tough economy and citing that their wave statistics simply were extremely poor when compared to others in the league.”

He also mentioned some in-house options for the role, noting that Louie in AA Springfield has been doing some really great things. “That dugout slide? Genius!” said Mozeliak.

Boras was very hopeful for his clients results in free agency. “The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are currently without a mascot and Fredbird is fairly certain he could pull off that gig with a halo and possibly a harp. Also, we’d like to hear bids from the Dodgers regarding Fredbird’s abilities.”

The New York Yankees have been very interested in Fredbid on the free market. Having recently come off a World Series victory, they are looking at filling the one hole in their squad; the lack of a mascot.

“Sadly, they could definitely drive Fredbird out of our price range,” admitted Mozeliak. Currently the Cardinals are looking at a 30,000 – 40,000  a year contract, but the Yankees could apparently offer up to 55,000 to a mascot talent such as Fredbird. “But hey, that’s Steinbrenner money,” said Mozeliak.

Questions on whether Fredbird would entertain a move to the mascotless Chicago Cubs definitely ruffled some feathers during the press conference.

Boras says that Fredbird is also considering a change of venue and entertaining bids from the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals.

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As Hope of Retaining Matt Holiday Fades, Cardinals Sign So Taguchi to Appease Fans

November 10, 2009
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After being re-signed to the St. Louis Cardinals, outfielder So Taguchi reveals that he kept all of his Cardinal gear and routinly wears it on off days.

In a surprise move today, Cardinal’s general manager John Mozeliak announced that the Cardinals have picked up outfielder So Taguchi as negotiations to attain Matt Holliday continue to look grim.

“Taguchi is a great addition to the team. The fans just love that guy and we figured that maybe this would take some focus off the club as Matt Holliday get’s signed to a team that can afford his salary,” said Mozeliak of the unexpected signing. “He’s just a big moral booster, I figure he can jog out and play left field in the 8th or 9th inning, maybe pitch hit once in a while and on off days he can run around up on the dugout with Fredbird and the girls. The fans just seem to go crazy about him.” When asked about a serious replacement option in left field, Mozeliak had no comment.

“I’m very excited about returning to the Cardinals, the fans are just amazing.” Taguchi said through a translator yesterday, “these are the kind of fans who really don’t care if you only bat six times in a season, they just remember that I played here once in a while in ’06 when we won the World Series and that I seemed to always come up with the game on the line and hit a home run. That’s what these fans need, not necessarily a consistent hitter or a ‘good player,’ but one that leaves them wondering ‘how the hell did he pull that off?’ every month or so.”

When asked if he missed playing for the redbirds, Taguchi responded, “Of course. Every time I came to St. Louis with the Phillies or the Cubs the fans would always welcome me back very warmly. I was thrilled at the standing ovations I received. I’m pretty sure that some of the fans in Philadelphia and Chicago didn’t even know who I was. In fact, I’m not sure all of the players knew who I was.” Coaches said that Taguchi would routinely show up to team meetings and practices in Cardinals team gear. Rumor was that Taguchi would be unapologetic when confronted about wear Cardinals T-shirts under his jersey while playing for the Phillies. Taguchi would also reportedly yell the he wanted to “go home” every time he was corrected during practice in Chicago or Philadelphia.

Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa was pleased with the decision to bring on Taguchi. “That kid’s like a little good luck charm, not necessarily good for anything in particular, but having him on your team just makes you feel better about your odds.” LaRussa referred to the ’08 World Champion Phillies saying, “He only appeared in like 80 games for them that season, but they took home a ring, and that’s really all that matters.” When told that the “kid” he was referring to had recently hit his 40th birthday, LaRussa responded “Damn, that guy looks like he’s 17.”

Cardinal’s ace Chris Carpenter was not as excited about the acquisition. “I won a Cy Young, carried our staff to the World Series in 2006 and made the most impressive comeback that anyone has seen in years, but you still see more ‘Taguchi’ jerseys in Busch Stadium than ‘Carpenter.’ I’d just like to remind these fans that he hasn’t even played here in like 3 years.” When asked if he thought Taguchi could somehow help bring the championship back to St. Louis, Carpenter threw his hands up before saying “Probably, somehow that guy has 2 World Series rings which is more than I can say. I’m still not sure how the hell he pulled that off.”

David Freese Bids to Fill Hole in Starting Rotation.

November 9, 2009
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David Freese is making a bid at filling out the Cardinal's rotation as well as any openings in the front office and volunteer concessions.

In a move being called both selfless and desperate, Cardinals 3rd basemen David Freese has volunteered to fill any hole in the rotation left by free agents John Smoltz and Joel Pinero. Freese has no prior experience as a starter, but says he is willing to learn any position to win him playing time for the major league club. When asked about the prospect of transitioning Freese to a starting #4 or #5 pitcher, Cardinals pitching coach Dave Duncan seemed to largely brush off the offering. “Yeah, he keeps showing up to pitcher’s meetings and saying that he could learn to provide either left or right-handed relief if the starter thing doesn’t work out, but there’s not much hope for a guy that only has one pitch; a 72mph fastball/changeup.”

Freese has still remained hopeful for a bigger role in the 2010 Cardinals. “I hadn’t ever caught before that game in September, but Tony let me after I begged him for 3 innings and promised to leave him alone for the rest of the week.” said Freese as he browsed first basemen gloves, “I’m pretty sure I could get the hang of pitching if they’d let me, and since they passed me over for the hitting coach job, I’m really looking for a way to get more involved.”

When asked about Freese’s “anything for the team” attitude, Cardinal’s GM John Mozeliak simply shook his head, “Jesus is he still begging for time? I thought that by telling the media he would have the first crack at third base next season it would calm him down a little bit,” said Mozeliak before departing for the November managers meetings. “I had to do something when I saw him trying on the Fredbird costume in the clubhouse.”

Freese apparently is making a serious effort to stay on the 40-man roster after being juggled back and forth between St. Louis and their minor league affiliate in Memphis. Although Freese posted decent numbers with both clubs, he is inexplicably very adamant about staying in St. Louis for the entirety of 2010. When asked about the transitory season he had in 2009, Freese curled up into a ball in the corner of the clubhouse, shouting “I won’t go back to Memphis! You can’t make me go back! You don’t know what it’s like there!”

At press time, Freese was supposedly filling out applications for an opening on the Busch Stadium ground crew.