Archive for March, 2011

Clueless Area Man Surprised Adam Wainwright Slips So Low In Fantasy Draft

March 28, 2011

(Kirkwood, MO) Local man Allan Gipson was extremely pleased with himself today after a local fantasy baseball draft with three of his co-workers, four college buddies and Carl, who everyone knows, but no one is really sure how they know him. After four unsuccessful fantasy seasons playing for the Ozzie Cup, Gipson is sure that this is his year.

“Last year I definitely messed up in the draft. I went with a couple of big time busts. Barry Zito, Ken Griffey Jr. Brad Penny, man those were some bad picks. But this year, I’m stacked. No way can I lose. I don’t want to brag, but I was able to pick up Wainwright with the 12th pick. Wainwright! No way I’m going to lose.”

Gipson has been famously known among his group of friends to completely ignore the injury board, disregard regressing players and to frequently draft players that have been retired for at least one season. Some of his more famous picks have included Alfonso Soriano, Jeff Francoure and Todd Wellemeyer, all with his first round choice.

“Yeah, Allan is pretty bad at this whole fantasy baseball thing,” said Carl Welter, manager of the draft board “We invite him because he evens the numbers and pays his fees up front. Sometimes we feel pretty bad for taking his money, but at the same time, he’s kinda a jerk about who he drafts and he gets pretty pissed when he loses, so it’s kinda funny.”

Some of Gipson’s picks this year include Stephen Strasburg, Jim Edmonds, Chase Utley and Andy Pettitte. He’s also hoping to pick up Bryce Harper if Benji Molina doesn’t work out at catcher.

“Last year he tried to draft Reggie Bush,” said Welter, “Reggie Bush?!! He’s not even a baseball player! At least it’s an extra 50 bucks in the pot.”